You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

I’ve had kind of a crappy day, so I’m venting a little bit.

There isn’t a lot of stuff that really, really gets on my nerves, and I very, very rarely am truly angry. Some things, however, are completely inexcusable, and have come up in the past week.

Number one. If you have more than 15 items, do not go to the express line at the Giant. Especially if you’re a raucous old woman, and you have a calculator, and you’re tabulating exactly how much everything is going to cost you, and you decide that you’re going to pay for your groceries with gift cards.

No, I’m not lying, and, in fact, the cashier told me that this was a regular occurrence. Yep, even the gift card part.

I am truly, truly at a loss as to why this happened. It should be a felony, especially if you’re pedantic enough to bring a calculator to a grocery store. I’m glad you can deftly calculate the sales tax on your year’s supply of Midol, please figure out how to count. You malodorous bitch.

Number two. I really hate it when people come up with ridiculous analogies in an attempt to get out of arguments. You know what I’m talking about, when you’re having a civil debate with somebody:

“Well maybe the best solution is to pull out of Iraq.”
“Well that’s like saying you’d just leave your grandmother at a crosswalk.”

No. It isn’t. Do you compare hockey to football? No. You don’t. Shut the fuck up.

Here’s a classic example.

“I still think abortion is a woman’s choice. I ultimately don’t really have a say in it, as I do not have a vagina and am currently unfamiliar with the intimate operations thereof.”
“Well that’s like saying you’d be willing to throw babies into mass graves off the African coast.”

No. It isn’t. Congratulations, you have the approximate logical reasoning ability of a two-year-old.

You want to give me an answer you didn’t pull out of your ass? We’ll talk. I know I’m not the brightest bulb in the box, but even I can do better than pull this shit.

Number three. John Mayer and James Blunt. I don’t know why, they just really irritate me.

Hmmph.